Beyond Executive Dysfunction: The ADHD-Clutter Connection
Clutter, Neurodiversity, and the Power of Self-Trust
Photo by Stefan Cosma on Unsplash
In the over a decade that I’ve been sharing my decluttering woes and wins - in and out of minimalist and hoarder circles (and everywhere in between) - it has become abundantly clear that most people who struggle with clutter have at least one thing in common - ADHD. Whether they admit it or not, or even know it or not, the ‘personality types’ and ‘habits’ of these people trend in a way that I cannot see as anything else.
Of course there are people who don’t fit this ‘lumping together’ or stereotyping (#sorrynotsorry)… I’m just saying, most of us have these tendencies. Whether you admit to ADHD or whether you call it something else:
Project-minded
A creative person
Forgetful
Distractible
Multi-passionate
Excitable
Sees possibilities instead of roadblocks
Always busy
High expectations (and/or hopes)
etc.
…the assumption tends to be that those of us with ADHD have clutter problems because of our struggles with executive functioning, and while some of it absolutely can be attributed to this, I believe there’s more going on.
The Possibility-Seeker’s Brain
ADHD/Neurodivergent brains often see potential everywhere:
The old t-shirts that could become a quilt
Soda can crafts on Pinterest that have you keeping empties for months (OMG my daughter right now, not kidding)
Empty jars and boxes are perfect for limitless projects!
This ability is a gift - we’re solution-oriented, we’re glass-is-half-full people (until we’re not), we’re the inventors, the ones who help the entirety of humanity evolve - but it can also mean our physical and mental spaces get crowded with could be’s and maybes. We see possibilities everywhere… and it’s overwhelming as hell. We couldn’t possibly accomplish it all in one lifetime.
The problem isn’t lack of creativity - we have an abundance of vision. It’s not lack of ability - we tend to be highly skilled in many subjects thanks to hyper-focus. And contrary to our parent’s, teacher’s and much of society’s beliefs, the problem isn’t laziness. We aren’t failures.
The problem is in our beliefs; in the self-trust we’re missing because we tend to leave loose ends and unfinished projects in the wake of “shiny object syndrome” and “squirrel brain”.
Self-Efficacy: The Missing Link
Self-efficacy is the belief in one's own ability to succeed in specific situations or accomplish a task. It's essentially a measure of your confidence in your capabilities. The belief in your ability to follow through and complete tasks you set for yourself.
I bet right about now the bells are going off in your head: “Oh, yes. I definitely struggle with this.” You are not alone! Share with us in the comments!
Out loud, and even in the ‘front’ of mind thoughts we have, we tell the story of our abilities, skills, and dreams. But subconsciously, after a lifetime of judgmental stories thrown our way by impatient adults and frustrated self-talk, our beliefs are a little different. We know we’re smart, but we have no proof to show the world. And that stings, so we move quickly from one exciting thing to the next, always lit up, always something to prove.
Unfortunately, this heaps on the ‘proof’ that we can’t succeed instead of helping change the story the world tells about us. We know how… we just don’t believe we can or will, anymore. And that subtle thread of hopelessness causes us to give up too soon, to ‘quit while we’re ahead’, or to not even start when there’s something to be done.
The solution?
Build up your self-efficacy - your self-belief and self-trust - intentionally. Decide to change the narrative with practice, and repetition.
That’s a wildly intimidating thought for most of us ADHD-ers. The negative self-talk starts immediately:
“I’ll forget.”
“I can never stick to it long enough to make it work.”
“I start these things and then lose track - I never make it to the point of ‘I did it!’ before life takes over.”
But this is exactly the point. This is why our self-efficacy is lacking, and why - as projects loom, housekeeping tasks pile up, and to-do lists grow longer - we shut down and give up. This is why we tend to have clutter issues.
Clutter is just the mess made up of unfinished tasks, unmade decisions, and forgotten deadlines. But every time we see our clutter, we pile on the ‘proof’ that we just can’t keep up. That we’re not good enough, that we’re failures.
It’s a downward spiral of negative proof causing more negative proof. And to change it, you have to fight tooth and nail. You have to claw your way out of this pattern, and build a new one - slowly, painstakingly. And it feels unfair. I won’t pretend it doesn’t. But if you give up or give in because you feel it’s unfair, the only one who suffers is you.
If you’re done suffering, you can begin to change your life. You can start creating small wins, and then repeating them. At first it will feel hopeless, but they’ll start to grow, the new set of ‘proof’ moments stockpiling into a new baby belief system that you can, in fact, do it.
Last week in “Decluttering As a Lifestyle, Not a To-Do List” I shared what the layers of decluttering look like, as you build wins on top of wins and clarity on top of clarity:
Every layer of this process will look and feel different, but you’ll begin to notice patterns, cycles, and similarities, which will become building blocks to your new way of being.
At first, you might be taking a carload to the donation center every other day. You’ll probably be hauling so many bags of trash you’ll build actual physical muscle.
Then, you’ll be “re-setting.” You’ll be irritated that you didn’t think things were trash last time. You’ll be disgusted that you didn’t think that you’d be okay without some other things. You’ll be frustrated that you have to do this again.
Next, you’ll start accepting it. You’ll laugh at what you thought you should keep before, and toss it without a backward glance. You’ll take a third of the time to go through the same amount of stuff, because you’re making decisions like a champ - you’ve built your decluttering muscles up by a lot!
Finally, you won’t do “decluttering sessions” anymore; you’ll just see something, and declutter it. At any moment of any day, without a second thought. You’ll clean without deciding to do so. You’ll look around at any given moment and think “I love my home.” Yes, really. You’ll realize you now live by the new rhythm you were aiming for before. You’ll feel all glow-y inside.
This is building self-efficacy, this is giving your brain proof that you can change. Tackling your clutter will be the foundation for the ‘proof’ to be possible in other areas of your life too, although that’s a whole other post.
Some Examples in Life Areas
Home: Start with one drawer, finish it, and celebrate the win.
Work: Tackle one overdue email thread fully, instead of half-answering three.
Personal Projects: Pick one creative idea to bring to life this month, and put a pin in the rest for later.
Relationships: Follow through on one commitment to call, text, or connect. Prove to yourself that you can be reliable even when your brain is busy.
Now, I know… celebrating ourselves is hard. It feels silly, it’s embarrassing, we’re too humble for that - wouldn’t want people thinking we’re full of ourselves now would we?!
The solution I’ve found is to celebrate with the right people. The people who get you. The people who are like you. Telling someone who doesn’t get it can have the opposite effect, winding up with them shaming or questioning you instead of congratulating you.
Saying “I decluttered my junk drawer!” and sharing a before and after picture with your co-worker doesn’t quite hit the same dopamine levels as sharing with a bunch of women who struggle with clutter, and know what a huge win this is. There are many spaces for this online, including the private community chats for paid subscribers to The Simplified Year!
Dopamine is a key driver for ADHD-ers, so make sure you utilize the power of this tool to really cement in the wins for yourself.
Practical Ways to Build Self-Belief & Reduce Clutter
Practice choosing fewer things to start; instead finishing more. One finished project at a time. Intentionally slowing down to painstakingly complete all the mostly-done projects, one at a time (or actively decide to let them go for good - a perfectly acceptable option).
Celebrate completion as much as you celebrate inspiration (again, with the right people).
Start with easy, tiny, micro tasks you can stack.
Set 5-minute timers and allow yourself to stop at the end (and accept this as ‘good enough’).
Take before and after pictures so you can really tell the difference your efforts are making. Hot tip: create a folder for these so you can a) find them easily, and b) delete them ‘en masse’ in the future.
Lower your expectations to start out so you can reach goals more easily, and don’t shame yourself that this is ‘all’ you can manage. You’re building a muscle, and just like lifting weights, you start small and work your way up.
Clutter isn’t a moral failing; it’s often caused by the overflow of a possibility-rich mind.
Trust that you’ll still get endless new ideas - once you complete the original ones - but don’t force yourself to finish ones you aren’t inspired by anymore, either! The only problem is when you hang on to them for ‘someday’. Instead of rushing ahead, decide to either complete it or drop it, now.
When you pair the gift of your innovative mind with practiced self-trust, your space can become a haven instead of a burden, and you can prove to yourself (and the world) that you have more than what it takes to succeed.
One step, one finish line, one small proof of your own capability at a time - you’ve got this. I’ll be right here believing for you until you can hold the belief for yourself.
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Bri